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A View from the Top Deck

(the bus enters the ‘Twilight Zone’….)

J:  Thae cyclists were awfy upset, Hamish, when they heard they wid be hit fur road tax. Is that Gordon Broon’s way o’ raising mair money?

H:  Jock – yer a numpty! Tacks  - no TAX.  Somebody put tacks on the road.

J:  Wha did that?

H:  The cyclists blamed the ACRE folk; sent them a’ sorts o’ messages sayin’ they hoped they’d get cancer an’ things like that.

J:  That’s terrible - why blame them?

H:  It’s a sort o’ conspiracy theory.  Last year they had lots o’ protest posters oot; this year just the wan – an’ the wife that put it oot got foul abuse frae the Lycra crowd – so they say the ACRE folk must have kent somethin’ wis going on; an’ even if they didnae, they provoked it by protesting about the race.

J:   That’s jist daft – mair like the cooncil provoked it by forcin’ the stupid thing on folk.  Why wid the ACRE folk dae oanything like that ?  Thae folk are no daft, they would ken that somethin’ like that wid backfire on them.

H:   Aye, yir right – that’s why there’s anither theory.  Think wha’ gets the benefit o’ whit happened, apairt frae folk sellin’ puncture repair kits.

J:   Ye mean somebody wha’s fur the race did it so that the folk against it wid get the blame?  That’s clever though. Oany mair o’ they conspiracy theories?

H:   Aye – think wha else might want tae sabotage the race.

J:  Dae ye think it might be somebody frae somewhere else that’s jealous because it’s run here?

H: No likely, is it ?  Have ye heard o’ ither places clamourin’ tae get a shot o’ it?

J:  I suppose it could hae been somebody wantin’ tae get at the crowd that organises the thing.

H:  Noo yer thinkin’ Jock  – mind ye’ve got over three thousand folk payin’ fifty pounds a time tae enter.

J:   Somebody else that makes money oot o’ the same game, ye mean ?

H:  Exactly – commercial rivalry is whit ye ca’ that.

J:   Hiv ye oanything tae back that up, Hamish?

H:  Aye – this conspiracy theory is the best yin, that’s why I kept it tae last; but it’s complicated so listen weel.

J:   Fire away – a’m listenin’.

H:  The crowd that run this thing is ca’d IMG.  They are big, there’s an IMG Australia for instance and a fella ca’d Graeme Hannan that worked for them for 16 years.  Are ye followin’ this?

J:   Aye – get oan wi’it.

H:  Right – in Mairch this year he organised a big tri-athlon event in Singapore; a runnin’, swimming, an cyclin’ race.  Well, tacks were put on the road there as well.

J:   So this could be an international conspiracy?

H:  Could be – hey, get back in yer seat, whaur are ye awa’ tae?

J:  There’s Scully and Mulders doon the front o’ the bus …… they’ve jist goat tae hear this!