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Hoots & Havers - March 2008
The Scots Parliament has been asked to issue an apology to all those who were found guilty of witchcraft over the past few hundred years. What a good idea. I’m sorry too, so Mr Salmond, or whoever is the apologizing authority, can add my apology to his.
In fact it might be a good idea to convene a subcommittee of MSPs on some dull afternoon which could issue an apology for anything anyone should ever want an apology for at any time in the future, provided that the offence was well in the past. Such an apology makes no difference to anything and, of course, that the apologizers had no responsibility at all for the original wickedness for which the apology is demanded. But it would add to the sum of human happiness, for those indignant would be satisfied, and the rest of us still would not give a tinker’s curse either way.
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William Robertson of Struan, the young chief of the Clan Donnachaidh, had his head chopped of at Logierait in 1516 by his uncle, the Earl of Atholl, who was his guardian and had pinched most of his land. The earl found this drastic method of shutting his nephew up. I’d like an apology for this, please. The Blair Charitable Trust is the current beneficiary of this heinous crime, so the apology should be issued by its trustees. And the Scots flayed the bishop and Scots treasurer Hugh of Cressingham after the battle of Stirling Bridge and ‘divided his skin among themselves in moderate-sized pieces.’ Wallace made a sword belt out of his bit, which was a strip down Hugh’s back from neck to heel. I think Salmond should say sorry for that, too.
Of course this part of the world used to be pretty witchy; some say it still is. In the 16th century the local hellhags ‘had great power over all sections of society and gleaned rich rewards from their nefarious trade. They held frequent councils said to be chaired by the Devil himself and, at one conventicle in 1570, 2,300 witches assembled. They involved themselves in affairs of state and were supporters of Queen Mary to whom they presented a gold-covered deer horn engraved with emblems prophesying the queen’s certain triumph over her enemies.’ This was said to be in 1570 and they were wrong, perhaps because her Majesty was already imprisoned in England, kicking her heels until she had her head chopped off.
It was all downhill from then on. A flurry of excitement in Kenmore in the mid 1700s revealed lots of witches, but they were pretty unimpressive examples of the craft. Anne McInucatar was ‘a bold woman when provoked’ – perhaps the root of the problem. ‘She and her daughter Elspeth had gone out in the night time when in the shealings and were going about the calf bothies, that this gave great offence to the neighbours, as they suspected it was on no good design’. And Janet McIntaggart in Acharn thought the milk from her livestock was a bit watery so was advised ‘to milk three drops from their neighbour’s sheep as a charm to recover the substance of the milk’ which worked. But these folk weren’t burnt, merely summoned to appear before the congregation on a Sunday for a bollocking from the minister.
It all sounds very small time. There are plenty of benefits to be obtained by living in a small community but malicious gossip from neighbours is the downside which had as malign effect then as it does now. Anyway, say sorry, Alec.
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The First Minister – isn’t he about due to change the title of his office to prime minister? - seems to have Scots public opinion purring. I reckon it’s because he so obviously relishes his job. Compared by the gloomy gurners in opposition and who were his predecessors, the unabashed delight he manifests when strutting his stuff is rather endearing. He also has John Swinney underpinning him and he actually does things.
I’ve now forgotten why Scots independence seemed such a bad idea. One of the frothing broadsheet columnists the other day suggested that south east England declared UDI from the rest of the UK. That’d teach them, he said. The rest of the nation would be reduced to backwardness and poverty. I can’t see it myself. To hive off the most crowded, self-important and bureaucrat-ridden part of the country would surely be a blessed relief to the rest of us. But strong border controls should be erected at Potters Bar to keep them in.
It’s politicians who seem most appalled at the possible fragmentation of old nation states, and only those politicians who run such states. Occasionally nations are formed by agreement amongst the people who live within them, but they’re usually the product of some mapmakers pen, or military conquest. They’re institutions that exist and survive only because their inhabitants consent that they do, and they are and should always be open to change. Both the old Soviet Union and Yugoslavia seem happier places now they have broken up. Africa is still waiting for native statesmen to start redrawing their national boundaries which are the product of colonial rule.
The Americans seem to have best cracked the problem by giving most powers to individual states within a federal system, and perhaps the EU could do the same, although the latter still awaits statesmen rather than politicians. As the current financial crisis demonstrates, the economy of this planet is now a single entity and way beyond the control of national politics. So is the perceived human involvement in climate change. The larger the political entity that can oversee such issues the better. And if people would like to be part of much smaller nations, then jolly good luck to them.
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